ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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