I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
