Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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