I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize