I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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