how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
