My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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