I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
