Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
