my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
