hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
