Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
