I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
