He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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