It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
