i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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