I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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