Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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