what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos