WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!