thanks...oh and i got my period
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.