Can i not drive my cunt home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.