Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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