never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
