I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
