my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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