Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
