Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
