almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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