The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
