is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
