Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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