You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
