FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she smelled like a LAN party
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
