i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
