6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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