Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
