The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
