god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
