Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she smelled like a LAN party
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
