How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if only i could text you this smell
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i came on her dog
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize