She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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