Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
