Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize