it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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