Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
