i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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