next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
