I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We left the knife in your bed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize