also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
