I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
