dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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