Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
