I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
