Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
