You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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