I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
