You can't motorboat a personality
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
