Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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