Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize