He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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